In "The Preacher's Wife" (1996), Whitney Houston gave a stellar performance in one of her most unforgettable movie roles since "The Bodyguard" (1992). Ms. Houston plays the role of Julia
Biggs, a Baptist preacher’s wife in one of the best romantic fantasies of that decade. Most people that have seen "The
Preacher's Wife" probably saw nothing beyond the simplistic story of a struggling New York Baptist preacher
who is devoted to serving his flock and his community. But to the very discerning, "The Preacher's Wife" looks more like the story of a very beautiful woman
neglected by a very pious husband committed to work and other people rather than devoted to a wife and a family.
And that makes "The Preacher's Wife" the untold story of many
women in every tongue, in every nation, in every language, in every culture, and in every nation. And there is one in every family.
Women crave attention and they respond to
affection. For most women, sometimes attention is synonymous with affection and
for all women, affection is synonymous with attention all the time. The soul of
a woman thrives on affection. Show a woman affection and you will ignite the
fire in her soul and you take away affection from a woman and you will put out
the fire in her spirit and unleash the fury in her soul. Haven’t you heard, “Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred
turned, Nor Hell a Fury, like a woman scorned”? In this case, you have
wondered where those lines came from. They are from “The Mourning Bride”, a
1697 tragedy written by British playwright William Congreve. I am also sure you
have heard of something called a public display of affection (PDA). But really for
most women, the display of affection doesn’t really have to be public at all.
For a woman, the display of affection comes in the simplest forms rather than in
complicated acts. It is sometimes in a gentle speech or in a compliment given.
Sometimes it is in a short kiss on the cheek rather than in long kisses on the
lips. For a woman, the display of affection is sometimes in the holding of
hands or just simply in just looking in her eyes. A woman could find affection in the
short words of a Hallmark card rather than in long speeches from a man's lips. For
a woman, affection is not always found in the stem of a rose but sometimes in
the touch of a hand. Sometimes it is in bringing little gifts home for no
special reason but just because!
It does not take
too long for any discerning man to find out that the diversion of attention and
the withdrawal of affection from a woman are the two greatest cases of abuse that can
ever be perpetrated on any woman, especially on a very beautiful woman. That is
just wired into the nature and into the spirit of something called “womanhood.” Womanhood is not really a thing but the pure essence of a being. Don't you know what
the diversion of attention and the withdrawal of affection will do to a woman, especially to a very beautiful woman? It will tear down her psyche, destroy her self – esteem and ultimately distorts her
perception of her true self (the biggie). And when a woman’s perception of her
true self is distorted, she is then no longer able to see herself as God sees
her. Then her sense of self and identity becomes wrapped up around the life of
her man just as a beanstalk is wrapped around a tree. She never thinks she is
good enough except if he says so. She never thinks she is pretty enough except
when he says so. And if he never says she is beautiful then she doesn’t think
she is beautiful. In other words, she stops existing for herself but for her man.
She loses weight when he tells her to lose weight. And she will gain weight
when he tells her she is too skinny. Most men that intentionally withdraw
affection from their women do it as a way of exerting control on the life of
these often beautiful and successful women. Julia Biggs (Whitney Houston) is a
stunningly beautiful woman and was dealing with all of these and more in Penny Marshall's "The Preacher's Wife."
The film ends with Julia Biggs regaining her preacher husband’s (Courtney B. Vance) attention
and affection, but not before another man, in the person of Dudley (Denzel
Washington), started giving her his own undivided attention. Then the preacher
and his beautiful wife, Julia, lived happily ever after? I would love to think so but who knows. And Dudley was not
really a person, but a divine being sent from heaven in response to the
preacher’s prayer for help.
Sisters, while you are still waiting for your
own Dudley from above, I want you to know that in every wife there is a
preacher’s wife. It is quite possible that she might not be called “the
preacher’s wife” and more so she might not even be married to a preacher at all.
All preachers’ wives are not married to preachers. Sometimes, she is the
president’s wife. Sometimes, she is called the manager’s wife. Sometimes she is
the neighbor’s wife. Sometimes she is the truck driver’s wife. Sometimes she is simply some man's wife. These are women that are pretty but never pretty enough. Women that are beautiful but never beautiful enough. Women that are good but never good enough. Women that are strong but never strong enough. Women that are intelligent but never intelligent enough. And in real-time, the real preacher’s wife could just be you. And for
the many "preacher’s wives" scattered all over the world, there are no bright lights, no cameras, no scripts, no
producers, and no directors, except for a lonely heart on a lonely stage of emptiness.
And if I could think of a Bible verse to drive this message home for my
brothers, it would be none other than “Husbands, love your wives as Christ
loved the church and gave his life for it…A man who loves his wife loves
himself” [Ephesians 5: 25 – 28]. And as I always do, I pray that you discover
life the way God really intends for you. This has been one page from my Inspirational Files.
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